Jeff McCallum - Genesis

BIBLE JAWJABBERIN'
1

While settin' on ma' porch one night them stars was shinin' so dang bright
I fell into a sorta revere.
And while I gazed up yonder my mind begun to ponder
On how us human bein's come to be.

Then I recalled a thing I seen in this here science magazine
That said this big bang got the whole thing goin'
When a tiny speck out in the dark got squeezed so tight it blowed apart
And the whole dang universe begun a growin’.

Them particles begun to spin, done sucked some molecules in
a formin' boulders through the force of gravity.
So the earth and stars begun to form in the center of a cyclone storm,
Explainin’ how the universe had come to be.

Then along comes a mutation, atoms touched by radiation
Meld to microbes when they’re kissed by dew.
In time the dinosaur appears and in about a billion years
The king pins of the earth is me and you.

Well that's the scientific way explainin' how we're here today,
Though there's another dang good book I read.
I never would profess to be an expert on theology
But I'll try and tell you what I think it said.

To start out there weren't nothin' there, just darkness flat out everywhere,
Till God said, that's an awful waste of space.
There ain't a thing for Me to see, I reckon there’s no one but Me
To give a little purpose to the place.

So He flung out stars to shine at night, the sun to give the place some light
And then formed earth to highlight his display.
He says, them stars look pretty neat, My sun's sure kickin' out some heat
Guess I'm gonna knock off workin' for today.

Next water goes above for rain, more water formin’ earth's terrain,
Thought, this invention seems to work OK.
So God says, that was quite a chore, tomorrow I can do some more,

And thus He finished up the second day.

Next project was to separate the liquid from the real estate.
God raised up earth with water on each side,
Then He says, ain't that terrific, got Atlantic and Pacific.
The minute that the real estate had dried

He laid out miles 'o trees and grass, fresh water lakes as smooth as glass
And plants of every dang variety,
Then pinched up mountains in between like they was rows of Dairy Queen,
Completes landscapin' on day three.

Seems the fourth day of creation needed one small alteration.
God says, it's hard to sleep the sun's so bright.
Lets change it so it shines all day and in the evening sinks away,
Then have the stars and moon come out at night.

He adds some counter-clockwise spin to bring four changin’ seasons in
And view His world a brand new way.
In summer I'll have flowers grow, come winter time I’ll change the show.

So came and went another day.

Day five God says, I'll check My list in case there's somethin' that I missed;
Tarnation I forgot about the seas!
So in goes tuna, cod and snails, some bigger ones right up to whales;

Adds lichen, kelp and 'course anemones.

That oughta liven up the place but up above's wide open space,
I need some animation in the sky.
He takes a few two legged things, glues on some beaks sticks on some wings
And says eee doggies look at them things fly.

Sixth day’s kinda complicated; all the rest of life’s created,

Then the story’s told again in chapter two.

The gist is how we’re here today, with all creation under sway,

And why God looks a lot like me and you.

Well now says God, looks like I'm done, six days from when it was begun,

The contract came in one day under time.
I got good reason to be pleased; I tossed in some amenities
That never upped the cost one single dime.

His universe is runnin’ sound so God decides to set on down,
He figures that He's earned a day of rest.
I can't recall just what He said, but seems to me the word I read
Was Sanctified, which means the day is blessed.

The next day God rose up at dawn to watch the earth go spinnin' on
Reflects, now there's a sight that's worth the seein'.
But there's no one to appreciate the beauty of My real estate
Guess I'll create Myself a human bein'.

So God picks up a clod or two of dust and says, this here'll do.
Now all He does is shape it in His hand,
A little jolt of C.P.R., before you know it here we are;
By jingo's God's created Him a man.

Now Adam asks, what can I do by way of compensatin' you?
But God says, shucks no Adam it's your day.
For kickin’off the celebration honorin’ My new creation
I built a special place for you to stay.

But ain't no need to chew the fat, I'll transport you to where it’s at,
Just east of here, and quicker than a wink
Young Adam finds he's standin' there with flowers bloomin' everywhere
And God says, pretty don't you think?

Dates and figs, fresh juicy cherries, every kinda nuts and berries

Dangle tanatalizin’ from them trees.
Name bird and beast for company and exceptin’ for My knowledge tree,
Why you can chomp on anything you please.

Enjoy the garden, eat your fill, remember that it’s your God’s will
And don't you get to chowin’down My fruit.
You dare to sink your teeth in that, I'm tellin' you I'll leave you flat,
Your private paradise will be kaput.

Well God's about to go away but then He says to Adam, hey,
It ain't no good for a man to be alone.
So what I'll do is hypnotize you Adam so just close your eyes.
And while he's out God takes a small rib bone.

Why then He brings that bone to life, when Adam wakes he's got a wife.
'Course both of 'em are in their birthday suits,
But they ain't feelin' any shame 'cause everything is born the same

And evil ain't yet set down any roots.

God says, be seein’ both of you.I'll drop by in a day or two
To find out if there's anything you need.
I'm gonna leave you for a spell to make sure things is goin' well,
My universe is runnin' up to speed.

The very minute Goddeparts is when a slew of trouble starts.
This crafty serpent drapin' from a limb
Remarks, well how de-do there Eve. You must be awful dang naive
To listen to that double talk from Him.

God mouths the both of you are free to eat the fruit from every tree
But then you find that ain't exactly true.
He says don't touch that knowledge tree, its fruit is Mine exclusively
And its consumption ain't allowed to you.

The reason He won't let you eat that fruit ain't 'cause it tastes so sweet,
It’s ‘cause it jolts brains like a cattle prod..
This knowledge that He's talkin’ 'bout, the knack of snoopin' evil out;
Add knowin’ good, voila, you’re smart like God.

There ain't no way you'll be disgraced for swallerin' a little taste,
If you don't like it jest regurgitate.
So Eve says, well I s'ppose you're right. She up and takes herself a bite,
Exclaims, eee doggies snake, this sure is great!

She says to Adam, drop your jaw and poke this fruit into your craw.
So Adam has himself a chomp or two,
Then says to Eve, you're bein' crude a standin' posin' in the nude,
And Eve says, look who's talkin', so are you.

They take one look and start to blush, then both go streakin' for the brush
Quick set to pickin' fig leaves off the tree.
Seems what they'd been revealin' now they figure needs concealin'
In an effort to maintain propriety.

They tie some vines around their waist, put fig leaves every vital place,

Hide when they hear God callin' out their name.
He says, I see you hidin' there in your fig leaf trap door underwear
And know the reason that you're feelin' shame.

He says to Adam, I can seeyou et from that forbidden tree.
Ole Adam says, You caught me dead to rights.
But I was in my birthday suit when Eve said, try this tasty fruit
And that's when I begun to see the light.

Eve says, that serpent told me lies, he said the fruit would make me wise,
That I'd know everything there was to know.
But only thing we come to see, the difference in anatomy,
Plumb caused us hide the parts that shouldn't' show.

Now so far it ain't said right out but I'm figurin' there ain't no doubt
That God's a pretty even tempered guy.
So when He sees His own creation choosin' self contamination
You bet your socksthe fur is gonna fly.

He says, OK now listen up, that fruit has made you both corrupt.
You're gonna learn a lesson that'll hurt,
But first of all you sneaky snake, from now on you'll perambulate
By crawlin' on your belly through the dirt.

And Eve for what you done today there ain’t no doubt you're gonna pay,
Discoverin' great pain when givin’ birth.
You'll start off havin' one or two and end up havin' quite a slew
Of young 'uns that'll populate the earth.

Now Adam you and I are through, git set to meet your Waterloo,
You didn't pay no mind to My restriction.
I said don't touch that sacred tree, you up and broke that deal with Me
So just consider this your notice of eviction.

Now get on out and clear some land of thistles, brush and weeds by hand,
Plain work to earn your livin' bustin’ sod.
Some healthy sweat to earn your bread, you might remember what I said,
It ain't too wise to run a muck of God.

4

They worked a homestead growin' grain. Eve had a son, they called him Cain
And it weren't long afore she had another.
She said to Cain, now ain't it great, you got yourself a nice playmate,
This here is Abel, he's your baby brother.

As they growed older brother Cain tore up some land for growin' grain,
The young 'un Abel took to raisin' sheep.
It weren't no life of luxury but they was happy just to be
Out on their own, a workin for their keep.

So now and then they'd take a day to build an altar, guess you’d say
First fruits was kinda like a Stone Age barbecue.
They’d burn some real expensive meat like lamb or calf or full growed sheep;
A special way of sayin', God, this one's foryou.

The Good Book don't say this outright, I'm kinda guessin’ here a mite
But it was like an olden day Thanksgivin'.
They worked dang hard for quite a spell, when everything went pretty well
They knowed was God had helped 'em earn a livin'.

Well they got the fire roarin' nice to offer up their sacrifice
Then Abel burns a sheep up wool and all.
Now God says,I appreciate your offer Abel that was great!
I'll make your flock grow double come next fall.

In time along comes brother Cain a totin' him a sack of grain
He harvested instead of sheep or goats.
He figures grain should be right nice to offer as a sacrifice
So up and fricassees his bag of oats.

Appears God don't appreciate his grain on sacrificial grate,
He don't say thanks nor pat him on the back.
Young Cain is feelin' pretty rough but God says, don't get in a huff,
If you do good and keep your life on track

Your work'll have it's own reward, it's sinin' that you can't afford;
Just look what happened to your maw and dad.
Now figurin' he'sin disgrace Cain hikes on out to Abel's place
And that's when things start really turnin' bad.

He's so et up with jealousy he says to Abel I can see
God likes you best, I know by what He said.
One thing first and then another, Cain starts whompin' on his brother;
Afore you know it Abel's layin' dead.

Now that Abel’s laid out flatter than hot gravy on a platter
Cain heads on home and starts to millin' grain
As if there weren't a dang thing wrong. He ain't been at it very long
When God strolls up and says, well howdy Cain.

I just looked in on Abel's lair, his sheep's around but he ain't there,
I wondered if you knowed the reason why?
But Cain says, well now I don't see the reason You'd be askin' me,
It ain't my job to baby sit the guy.

Then God says, OK cut the jive, I know your brother ain't alive.
You stopped on by when he was restin' with his flock
And figured well, if he's so beat, I’ll help by rockin' him asleep;
The trouble is you done it with a four pound rock.

A man who does his brother in commits one mighty hefty sin;
It’s somethin' I ain't gonna tolerate.
Your punishment is you can’t stay, just pack your kit, be on your way,
Go find some other land to populate.

Cain says, your bein' awful tough, some fellers out there might be rough
On strangers what come trompin' on their land.
As quick as I start plowin' ground they're gonna come a snoopin' round
And kill me when they find out who I am.

But God says, ain't no need to chafe, to make dang sure that you'll be safe
I'll stamp you with My special logo see.
Before them fellers mess around and try to put you six feet down
They'll realize they have to deal with Me.

So Cain sets out and wanders round until he finds a chunk ofground
That's in the fertile valley they call Nod.
He stakes him out a patch of dirt, puts on some boots, rips off his shirt
And sets right in to tearin' up the sod.

It ain't long till he gets a wife and kids are part of married life
Son Enoch was the first one that she bore.
As God intended, kept on goin', human numbers just a growin’,
Relatives was sproutin’ by the score.

5

Old granddad Adam he kept pace a addin’ to the human race
By constantly begettin' progeny.
Some lived nine hundred years and more, to name them all’s too great a chore,

Let’s say few played God’s tune in harmony.

Back when we lived extended years the bulk was used to cause God tears.

We wed His sons creating Nephilim;

Seduced by angels daughters birthed great heroes who then walked the earth.

Disheartened God then limits years of men.

In time God sees how men cavort by doin' evil just for sport,
Decides that peels the skin right off the grape!
Instead of sanctity they choose to procreate and guzzle booze,
It’s time to clear’m off a My landscape.

Exceptin’ Noah and his wife, they’ve led a pretty pious life
Plus raised three decent boys, Japheth, Ham and Shem.
I reckon that I’ll spare the lives of ma and paw, their sons and wives
But all the rest I'm fixin’ to condemn.

God says to Noah, lookie here, mankind's demise is gettin' near
Along with all them creatures I created,
But I'm gonna save your kin and you so this here's what you need to do
To guarantee you don't get liquidated.

I’m tellin’ you to build a boat of gopher wood to stay afloat
At least a year. Now this here enterprise
Is more than some cheap wood canoe to paddle with your wife and you,
It’ll be an ark of one humongous size.

I drew you up this set of specs, there's lower, middle, upper decks,
Two football fields in length and twice as wide.
Now just above the bottom floor, this mark is where you cut a door,
That's gonna be your way to get inside.

The one big job you have to do is roundin' up by seven and two
Them critters I created at the start.
Giraffes and sheep, some garden worms, plus ants, gazelles and pachyderms,
Then march 'em up the gang plank to the ark.

Now don't forget you have to bring female and male of everything
For breedin' stock, like when I first begun,
‘Cause once this flood is gone you see, it's gonna be a snap for Me,
I won't be startin' over from square one.

Now don't you fritter time away, 'cause startin' one week from today
Believe you Me, the rain is gonna pour.
This ain't no piddlin' hurricane, I'm talkin' forty days of rain,
a flood like you ain't ever seen before.

So Noah gathers gopher wood to build the ark God said he should.
He makes the job a family enterprise.
They get to startin’ right away and ends up near the final day;
A floatin' zoo of this stupendous size.

They rounds up pairs of mice and fleas, both wolverines and chimpanzee,
To march 'em up the gang plank by the twos.
So packed in was this seethin' hoard there weren’t no room for shuffle board,
This wasn’t gonna be no pleasure cruise.

The rain starts comin' down in sheets. It pours for six or seven weeks
Till Noah's thinkin' this ain't ever gonna stop.
Rain covers every inch of ground till Noah's ark is bobbin' round
Near twenty feet above the highest mountain top.

With all them animals packed in like mackerel in a sardine tin
That menageries aroma ain't too nice.
The Noah family’s kinda sick, the air is getting' so dang thick
They’re havin' to inhale it by the slice.

There's fur and dander, molted hair and giant grumpies everywhere;
Eight weeks with all them critters can be cruel.
He pops the hatch and goes on deck but every way he cranks his neck
There's fifty thousand miles of swimmin' pool.

8

At last the rain stops pourin' down and Noah yearns for solid ground.
He sends a dove a flyin’ off to seek
A bush or tree where she could lite and doggies she comes back one night
An olive leaf a hangin' from her beak.

By now God's thinkin', well I guess it's time to tidy up the mess,
I’ll put things back the way they was created.
I rescued Noah, wives and sons, but at the risk of makin' puns,
I'd have to say the rest got liquidated.

He pulls the plug and down the drain goes forty days and nights of rain,
Which leaves the biggest swamp you'd ever find.
He whips Him up a hot dry wind, a Santa Anna to rescind
The mud that so much water left behind.

Noah’s glad the flood subsided even though the arc resided
On the peak of what we call Mount Ararat.
God remarks, what in tarnation caused Me that miscalculation,
Well Noah, I apologize for that!

My boy, I tell youyou done great, the first to circumnavigate
The biggest bunch of ocean in creation.
But now the whole dang earth is void of every other humanoid,
Your kin'll have to start re-population.

Now I'm prepared to make a deal. You made it through that flood ordeal,
I figure you deserve some compensation.
From here on in you'll be in charge of every critter on that barge,
Commence to exercisin’ domination.

There's chickens, cows, not hogs but sheep and mastodons for you to eat.
Now most of 'em is gonna run and hide,
So I'm givin' you permission for to bring 'em to submission,
But takin’ human life I won’t abide.

I promise I won't bring a rain to drown the whole dang world again,
To prove it, see them colors in the sky?
It’s called a rainbow guarantee of no more floodin' done by Me,
Let's shake to clinch the deal 'tween you and I.

10

In time things start to settle down as Noah's clan got spread around
A ranchin' and a plowin' up the land.
They’d cultivate a farmin' plot, or herd some sheep on vacant lot,
So settlements sprung up at every hand.

They was toilin' and a sweatin', just begattin' and begettin'
Like God told 'em and they really multiplied.
Family plannin' weren't terrific and them folks was real prolific
So there's young 'uns springin'up on every side.

Afore too long they come to know, the way them clans begun to grow,
They'd have to get the whole thing organized.
Men mapped out chunks of real estate and started in to cultivate
In areas that folks all recognized.

11

Now once the dust got settled down some honcho says, let's build a town
And big ole tower reachin’ to the sky.
We'll bake up mud to make the brick, use tarry stuff to make it stick
Done make a name for folks to call us by.

With all men speakin’ just one tongue, God fears they’ll take what He begun,
His instinct tells Him more than trouble’s on the rise.
It’s time, He figures, to restart, goes down and split 'em all apart
Before they get it in their heads to unionize.

Well once they all was scattered roundthey gave up buildin’ on the town
‘Cause every clan now spoke a different way.
The rest is simple genealogy and if it ain’t your family tree,
Is just plain borin’ stuff an’ takes too long to say.

So I ain't gonna burden you with all the names that passed on through
Of kings that come to rulin' every plot.
We’ve had creation of the place, division of the human race,

Up next’s the tale of Abraham and Lot.

Genesis II

I reckon now we’ve only done what scholars label Section One.

The first eleven was human history

From Babel back to the creation, all the rest trace Abram’s nation,

‘Splainin’ how the chosen people came to be.

This epic journey starts right out when God gives Abram out a shout,

Just pack your bags and leave this place.

Take Sarai and your nephew Lot, I’ve picked out one Jim-dandy spot

For you and yours to claim some space.

But Canaan weren’t exactly grand. When famine spread across the land

They up and moseyed down to Egypt for a spell.

There Abram fearin’ for his life, had mate play sister, not his wife,

So Pharaoh wed her, makin’ Abram his best pal.

Now Abram did extremely well a’livin’ in this kinky hell,

But God inflicted Pharaoh with disease.

While Abram’s wealth accumulated Pharaoh’s health deteriorated,

Till he begged Abram, take your wife, go please.

He had much gold, so many sheep the plain of Jordan couldn’t keep

Both Lot’s and his well fed. So Abram said,

If you chose left I’ll travel right, there ain’t no cause for us to fight.

So there near Sodom Lot would make his bed.

Right there in Canaan’s where his God gifts Abram all, the whole darn wad.

It goes right into Abram’s tribal trust.

The land in perpetuity was annexed to his family tree,

Descendents would be countless as the dust.

Lot’s barely settled in before he’s captured in a nine king war

And Uncle Abram’s off to rescue him.

Attack’s Lot’s captors in the night and wins God glory in the fight,

For bettin’ odds was none to mighty slim.

Next was writ revealin’ Abram’s doubt regardin’ heirs. Not cryin’ lout,

The Lord again reveals his great reward:

Offspring as numerous as sand to populate the Promised Land,

His natural progeny a mighty hoard.

Sarai up and overrides God’s plan, she weds her maid to Abraham.

No sooner Hagar’s in a family way

Then envy rears its ugly head. Sarai nit-picked Hagar till she fled

Though Abram’s God intended her to stay.

Sends an angel askin’ and advisin’, next he starts a prophesizin’

‘bout the son she’s gonna bear;

To name him Ishmael how great he’d be, adding Islam to the family tree,

So she returned to set things square.

Ever pondered circumcision? Says right here was God’s decision.

When renaming Abram Abraham,

Declared all would be circumcised and those who weren’t be ostracized

From membership in chosen clan.

Named Sarai Sarah, said she’d bear as promised Isaac, chosen heir

to all them covenants was made with God before.

Ishmael was granted greatness too but Sarah’s son would be the glue

For all the pain and glory that the chosen bore.

The Lord‘d stop by to chew the fat with Abraham, imagine that!

He’d set right down outside the tent

Drink wine or chew on veal and then reveal just what was cookin’ when.

Why He’d even take the time to vent

‘Bout what was buggin’ Him and why; like should or shouldn’t Sodom die;

God even looked for Abraham’s input.

On Sodom and Gomorrah both gave Abraham His solemn oath

Ten righteous men be found then no kaput.

Next scenes all are MA rated. After he and God debated

On a way to spare the place,

The angels sent to measure sin found one perverted loony bin,

One warped black hole in outer space.

Was Sodom where Lot staked his claim and when inspecting angels came

They warned him, hurry, do not hesitate,

Our Lord demands Gomorrah’s demise and Sodom’s cooked like curly fries,

Depart before you suffer their same fate.

Just grab your wife; both daughters too, put miles between this place and you.

Lot pleaded hard to hide in tiny Zoar,

The Lord said fine, start makin' tracks. Don’t stop for certain don’t look back.

Wife snuck a peek was salt forever more.

We’re still not done with kinky things; with Lot his daughters father kings;

Moabites and Ammonites come to be.

Lot’s own daughters’ desperation links King David to their nation,

A very subtle twist of history.

McCoy’s and Hatfield’s feud and fight till David conquers Ammonite

And Moabite. They never joined the family.

David hid there in his flight from Saul but didn’t cut them slack at all,

Another tiny slice of history.

It’s like an opree on TV ,just followin’ this family tree.

Seems everyone’s somehow related;

Sarah’s Abraham’s half sister, genealogy’s a game of Twister.

Reckon’s how the earth was populated.

They play the sister card again but God has Abimelech refrain

From taking Sarah as his wife.

Returning Sarah to her man with gifts of cattle, slaves and land

Gets Abimelech children and long life.

They sure was tough those early folk, was tested by the good Lord’s yoke

Of faith, enduring trials and tests for what’d be gained.

Sure as shootin' before we’re done his God gave Abraham a son!

Sarah bore him Isaac just as God ordained.

Now Isaac it means laughter, joy perhaps for promise that the boy

Fulfilled. None rightly knows I reckon;

Was it Sarah’s first reaction, meant to show God’s satisfaction?

One thing sure, Ishmael’s a distant second

‘Cause Isaac’s weaned and on that day her son and Hagar’s sent away.

Not fair I know but as I said

Sometimes them ancient Bible folks seemed like a wheel a’missin' spokes.

Hagar leaves poor Ishmael for dead

Till God again steps up and in, performs a miracle for him.

From Hagar’s tears cool water and a well appears.

God stayed with Ishmael as he grew while He and Abraham renew

The deal to stay in Philistine for many years.

If you think it was nuts before another tree full’s still in store,

Steven King and ole JR weren’t nothin’ by comparison!

God devises this here test would stain the soul and drive a man insane:

Ask Abraham to up and sacrifice his son!

Now it don’t say he shed a tear, begged for mercy, showed no fear

Or questioned strength of his prescription.

Didn’t scratch his head nor pause, think twice, just headed out to sacrifice

His son in act beyond description.

Now you or me might mouth protest or ask the Lord, why do You jest

Or break my heart , defile Your gift, destroy my son?

Not Abraham, he followed through and just when he’s about to do

The deed an angel intercedes before it’s done.

It don’t say his hand was shakin’ only God had not forsaken

Abraham throughout this harsh and gruesome trial.

He sacrificed a ram instead; no mention of poor Isaac’s head

Or if he’d needs to be committed for a while.

23/24

God turns the page and Sarah’s done, her legacy her only son,

Leaves Abraham to find the boy a wife.

His father’s genealogy will sprout next branch on family tree,

His cousin fair Rebekah’s Isaacs mate for life.

Old Abraham weds one last time, each seed’s sent off with concubine,

Left all he owned to Isaac at the end.

Though Ishmael came upon his death, like all the others, left bereft,

Returned to Egypt blessed but no man’s friend.

Away back when first natural boy received as birthright every toy

His father would accumulate.

While it don’t seem exactly fair, the rest was left just suckin’ air,

A natural breeding ground for hate.

For them that study history the next part ain’t no mystery,

Rebekah carries trouble in her womb.

God says her twins will separate, the stronger one will dominate,

Foretelling epic struggles that still loom.

Well Esau’s first to breathe then squeal, with Jacob graspin’ on his heel.

Young Jacob plays it like a snake alright;

First mother’s boy cooks up a plan to shaft his father’s favored man;

Trades starvin’ Esau stew for his birthright.

There’s more to Jacob’s great deceit but first some history must repeat

Rebekah plays a sister like in Sarai’s day,

While they reside in Philistine the land gits dry as Abram’s time

But God calls forth the covenant, commands him stay

Until his wealth becomes so vast King Abimelech says leave at last,

Just up and sends’em packin’ on their way.

He wanders round from town to town till in Beersheba settles down,

That’s where we get the next scenes in the play.

Now up to here seems like to me the tale’s about morality;

Creation, sin, deceit, the casting out.

The flood destroyin’ all the earth, yet always hope for man’s rebirth.

The tower tumble’s how the nations come about.

Eve and Adam get another chance and after flooding God replants,

Through Noah He repopulates the earth.

Abraham had plenty goin’, he committed, God a shown’

Him the way to chosen people’s birth.

Isaac’s faithful to the covenant but then with Jacob all gets bent,

Without God’s help he triumphs through disguise.

Sarah spearheads the deception, makes the most of poor perception,

Pulls the wool right over Isaacs’s eyes.

28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36

After Esau’s dispossessin’ Jacob flees. He’s acquiescing’

To Isaac’s wish for his survival:

Find a wife among your mother’s brother Laban’s girls, no other,

Return upon the calming of your rival.

Strange as it seems for all his schemes the Lord appears in Jacob’s dreams,

Like Isaac blesses all on earth through him.

As Jacob heads on off to marry Esau doesn’t pause or tarry,

Adds Ishmael’s daughter to his harem.

Old Laban he’s a crafty one, though Jacob is his sister’s son

He sees that boy has fallen like a stone

For daughter Rachel. In exchange for having nuptials arranged

For seven years works Jacob to the bone.

Then the morning after wedding finds its Leah he was bedding,

Crafty Laban pulled a switcherroo.

Swapped brides and welched on the exchange; sweet Rachel’s price more years in chains,

Instead of one wife Jacob now had two.

The story turns to childbearin’, Leah did but Rachel’s barren,

So like his granddad Jacob beds her maid.

When Leah’s through gets her maid too; he fathers offspring by the slew

Till Joseph’s born to Rachel as she prayed.

Not too exhausted baby makin’ its Laban sheep next Jacob’s takin’

Like country boy and city slicker

Takes the mark then’s on the lam, back to the land of Abraham

As slick as any pocket picker.

God sticks with him through thick and thin, through more adventures then Huck Finn

As promise made to Abraham comes true.

God and Jacob have this rasslin' match, ole Jacob won’t release his latch

Until God comes to see his point a view.

God renames Jacob Israel for all his struggles to prevail,

Meets brother Esau, sets things square,

Avengin’ Dinah stirs the nest so doing as was God’s request

He heads to Bethel, settles there.

Rachel dies birthing Benjamin, Isaac passes and they bury him,

Esau’s line will spawn the Herod kings;

A darker twist on stranger tale, he’d wed a daughter of Ishmael,

Then it’s Joseph makes the chapters sing.

37-47

This here’s a story all should know of coat and dreams advisin’ Pharaoh.

Joseph is a different sorta man,

We hear about his blessed life, how Pharaoh gives him his first wife.

He’s pure of heart and wise as Solomon.

I won’t recite each verse to you, so what I’m gonna try and do

Is my darn best to capsulate

The moral of the Joseph story, if I miss the mark I’m sorry:

God turns for good the strongest hate.

Joseph’s dreams are godly visions, coat creates sibling divisions,

Murder’s writ into the script.

Young Rueben saves him from that plight; they sell him to an Ishmaelite

Who totes him off to Egypt.

Once Joseph’s sold to slavery, it’s last of Canaan he will see

Until the death of father Israel.

Despite his brother’s wretched schemes he saves his people through his dreams,

The key God chose to let him part the veil.

When famine spreads across the land it’s Joseph saves the whole darn band.

So gradual like they all unite

In Egypt where they multiply, become the people by and by

We come to know as Israelite.

48-50

Well that’s the Good Books special way of explainin’ how we’re here today,

Why sons of Abraham are Israel.

Sets the stage for Exodus to Promised Land from Joseph’s point of view,

When Egypt’s king made life there miserable.

EXODUS

Twelve brothers and their families but numbered in the seventies

Were fruitful, multiplied, filled Pharaoh’s land.

A fearful king forgot Joseph, chooses slavery to oppress,

Control his fear of growing Hebrew band

Oppressed their numbers multiplied, the king decrees child homicide

Kill any male child born alive.

Midwives refused to follow though and God rewards them as their due

Their time for children will arrive.

This cruelty don’t know no end, his failure drives him ’round the bend.

His next decree is really whacked;

Throw new born boys into the Nile as food for river’s crocodile,

Infanticide in point of fact

Now this appears a little strange, the Good Book don’t name no names

Of Moses’ ma and pa, two Levites all’s on file

Ma hides her son for three long months then pulls the king of crazy stunts

She fashions reeds to basket, floats him down the Nile.

No where does it exactly say but God was watchin’ on that day

For Pharaoh’s daughter takes a likin’ to the tot.

Although she knows he’s Hebrew born the baby’s cry is so forlorn

She raises him as son without a second thought.

Copyright J.D. and Sandy McCallum

January 01, 2009