Jeff McCallum

I have reorganized my effort at completing Genesis, an effort my father undertook before going on tour.

The poem is in the same style as his seven wonderful jaw jabberin' jewels rendering seven Shakespeare plays in this unique style of verse. They are like humorous "Cliff Note" primers.

The recording are available at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival Tudor Guild or the Guthrie gift shop. His reading of the plays can be heard on the website www.jabberin.com or on my favorites page.

The poem is very long and I have moved the balance of it to Genesis section for anyone who actually wishes to read through to Exodus.

1

While settin' on ma' porch one night them stars was shinin' so dang bright
I fell into a sorta revere.
And while I gazed up yonder my mind begun to ponder
On how us human bein's come to be.

Then I recalled a thing I seen in this here science magazine
That said this big bang got the whole thing goin'
When a tiny speck out in the dark got squeezed so tight it blowed apart
And the whole dang universe begun a growin’.

Them particles begun to spin, done sucked some molecules in
To form big boulders through the force of gravity.
So the earth and stars begun to form in the center of a cyclone storm,
Explainin’ how the universe had come to be.

Then along comes a mutation, atoms touched by radiation
Meld to microbes when they’re kissed by dew.
In time the dinosaur appears and in about a billion years
The king pins of the earth is me and you.

Well that's the scientific way explainin' how we're here today,
Though there's another dang good book I read.
I never would profess to be an expert on theology
But I'll try and tell you what I think it said.

To start out there weren't nothin' there, just darkness flat out everywhere,
Till God said, that's an awful waste of space.
There ain't a thing for Me to see, I reckon there’s no one but Me
To give a little purpose to the place.

So He flung out stars to shine at night, the sun to give the place some light
And then formed earth to highlight his display.
He says, them stars look pretty neat, My sun's sure kickin' out some heat
Guess I'm gonna knock off workin' for today.

Next water goes above for rain, more water formin’ earth's terrain,
Thought, this invention seems to work OK.
So God says, that was quite a chore, tomorrow I can do some more,

And thus He finished up the second day.

Next project was to separate the liquid from the real estate.
God raised up earth with water on each side,
Then He says, ain't that terrific, got Atlantic and Pacific.
The minute that the real estate had dried

He laid out miles 'o trees and grass, fresh water lakes as smooth as glass
And plants of every dang variety,
Then pinched up mountains in between like they was rows of Dairy Queen,
Completes landscapin'on day three.

Seems the fourth day of creation needed one small alteration.
God says, it's hard to sleep the sun's so bright.
Lets change it so it shines all day and in the evening sinks away,
Then have the stars and moon come out at night.

He adds some counter-clockwise spin to bring four changin’ seasons in
And view His world a brand new way.
In summer I'll have flowers grow, come winter time I’ll change the show.

So came and went another day.

Day five God says, I'll check My list in case there's somethin' that I missed;
Tarnation I forgot about the seas!
So in goes tuna, cod and snails, some bigger ones right up to whales;

Adds lichen, kelp and 'course anemones.

That oughta liven up the place but up above's wide open space,
I need some animation in the sky.
He takes a few two legged things, glues on some beaks sticks on some wings
And says eee doggies look at them things fly.

Sixth day’s kinda complicated; all the rest of life’s created,

Then the story’s told again in chapter two.

The gist is how we’re here today, with all creation under sway,

And why God looks a lot like me and you.

Well now says God, looks like I'm done, six days from when it was begun,

The contract came in one day under time.
I got good reason to be pleased; I tossed in some amenities
That never upped the cost one single dime.

2

His universe is runnin’ sound so God decides to set on down,
He figures that He's earned a day of rest.
I can't recall just what He said, but seems to me the word I read
Was Sanctified, which means the day is blessed.

The next day God rose up at dawn to watch the earth go spinnin' on
Reflects, now there's a sight that's worth the seein'.
But there's no one to appreciate the beauty of My real estate
Guess I'll create Myself a human bein'.

So God picks up a clod or two of dust and says, this here'll do.
Now all He does is shape it in His hand,
A little jolt of C.P.R., before you know it here we are;
By jingo's God's created Him a man.

Now Adam asks, what can I do by way of compensatin' you?
But God says, shucks no Adam it's your day.
For kickin’off the celebration honorin’ My new creation
I built a special place for you to stay.

But ain't no need to chew the fat, I'll transport you to where it’s at,
Just east of here, and quicker than a wink
Young Adam finds he's standin' there with flowers bloomin' everywhere
And God says, kind’a pretty don't you think?

Dates and figs, fresh juicy cherries, every kinda nuts and berries

Dangle tanatalizin’ from them trees.
Name bird and beast for company and exceptin’ for My knowledge tree,
Why you can chomp on anything you please.

Enjoy the garden, eat your fill, remember that it’s your God’s will
And don't you get to chowin’down My fruit.
You dare to sink your teeth in that, I'm tellin' you I'll leave you flat,
Your private paradise will be kaput.

Well God's about to go away but then He says to Adam, hey,
It ain't no good for a man to be alone.
So what I'll do is hypnotize you Adam so just close your eyes.
And while he's out God takes a small rib bone.

Why then He brings that bone to life, when Adam wakes he's got a wife.
'Course both of 'em are in their birthday suits,
But they ain't feelin' any shame 'cause everything is born the same

And evil ain't yet set down any roots.

God says, be seein’ both of you.I'll drop by in a day or two
To find out if there's anything you need.
I'm gonna leave you for a spell to make sure things is goin' well,
My universe is runnin' up to speed.

3

The very minute God departs is when a slew of trouble starts.
This crafty serpent drapin' from a limb
Remarks, well how de-do there Eve. You must be awful dang naive
To listen to that double talk from Him.

God mouths the both of you are free to eat the fruit from every tree
But then you find that ain't exactly true.
He says don't touch that knowledge tree, its fruit is Mine exclusively
And its consumption ain't allowed to you.

The reason He won't let you eat that fruit ain't 'cause it tastes so sweet,
It’s ‘cause it jolts brains like a cattle prod..
This knowledge that He's talkin’ 'bout, the knack of snoopin' evil out;
Add knowin’ good, voila, you’re smart like God.

There ain't no way you'll be disgraced for swallerin' a little taste,
If you don't like it jest regurgitate.
So Eve says, well I s'ppose you're right. She up and takes herself a bite,
Exclaims, eee doggies snake, this sure is great!

She says to Adam, drop your jaw and poke this fruit into your craw.
So Adam has himself a chomp or two,
Then says to Eve, you're bein' crude a standin' posin' in the nude,
And Eve says, look who's talkin', so are you.

They take one look and start to blush, then both go streakin' for the brush
Quick set to pickin' fig leaves off the tree.
Seems what they'd been revealin' now they figure needs concealin'
In an effort to maintain propriety.

They tie some vines around their waist, put fig leaves every vital place,

Hide when they hear God callin' out their name.
He says, I see you hidin' there in your fig leaf trap door underwear
And know the reason that you're feelin' shame.

He says to Adam, I can see you et from that forbidden tree.
Ole Adam says, You caught me dead to rights.
But I was in my birthday suit when Eve said, try this tasty fruit
And that's when I begun to see the light.

Eve says, that serpent told me lies, he said the fruit would make me wise,
That I'd know everything there was to know.
But only thing we come to see, the difference in anatomy,
Plumb caused us hide the parts that shouldn't' show.

Now so far it ain't said right out but I'm figurin' there ain't no doubt
That God's a pretty even tempered guy.
So when He sees His own creation choosin' self contamination
You bet your socks the furs agonna fly.

He says, OK now listen up, that fruit has made you both corrupt.
You're gonna learn a lesson that'll hurt,
But first of all you sneaky snake, from now on you'll perambulate
By crawlin' on your belly through the dirt.

And Eve for what you done today there ain’t no doubt you're gonna pay,
Discoverin' great pain when givin’ birth.
You'll start off havin' one or two and end up havin' quite a slew
Of young 'uns that'll populate the earth.

Now Adam you and I are through, git set to meet your Waterloo,
You didn't pay no mind to My restriction.
I said don't touch that sacred tree, you up and broke that deal with Me
So just consider this your notice of eviction.

Now get on out and clear some land of thistles, brush and weeds by hand,
Plain work to earn your livin' bustin’ sod.
Some healthy sweat to earn your bread, you might remember what I said,
It ain't too wise to run a muck of God.

4

They worked a homestead growin' grain. Eve had a son, they called him Cain
And it weren't long afore she had another.
She said to Cain, now ain't it great, you got yourself a nice playmate,
This here is Abel, he's your baby brother.

As they growed older brother Cain tore up some land for growin' grain,
The young 'un Abel took to raisin' sheep.
It weren't no life of luxury but they was happy just to be
Out on their own, a workin for their keep.

Seems now and then they'd take a day to build an altar, guess you’d say
First fruits was kinda like a Stone Age barbecue.
They’d burn some real expensive meat like lamb or calf or full growed sheep;
A special way of sayin', God, this one's for you.

The Good Book don't say this outright, I'm kinda guessin’ here a mite
But it was like an olden day Thanksgivin'.
They worked dang hard for quite a spell, when everything went pretty well
They knowed was God had helped 'em earn a livin'.

Well they got the fire roarin' nice to offer up their sacrifice
Then Abel burns a sheep up wool and all.
Now God says, I appreciate your offer Abel that was great!
I'll make your flock grow double come next fall.

In time along comes brother Cain a totin' him a sack of grain
He harvested instead of sheep or goats.
He figures grain should be right nice to offer as a sacrifice
So up and fricassees his bag of oats.

Appears God don't appreciate his grain on sacrificial grate,
He don't say thanks nor pat him on the back.
Young Cain is feelin' pretty rough but God says, don't get in a huff,
If you do good and keep your life on track

Your work'll have it's own reward, it's sinin' that you can't afford;
Just look what happened to your maw and dad.
Now figurin' he's in disgrace Cain hikes on out to Abel's place
And that's when things start really turnin' bad.

He's so et up with jealousy he says to Abel I can see
God likes you best, I know by what He said.
One thing first and then another, Cain starts whompin' on his brother;
Afore you know it Abel's layin' dead.

Now that Abel’s laid out flatter than hot gravy on a platter
Cain heads on home and starts to millin' grain
As if there weren't a dang thing wrong. He ain't been at it very long
When God strolls up and says, well howdy Cain.

I just looked in on Abel's lair, his sheep's around but he ain't there,
I wondered if you knowed the reason why?
But Cain says, well now I don't see the reason You'd be askin' me,
It ain't my job to baby sit the guy.

Then God says, OK cut the jive, I know your brother ain't alive.
You stopped on by when he was restin' with his flock
And figured well, if he's so beat, I’ll help by rockin' him asleep;
The trouble is you done it with a four pound rock.

A man who does his brother in commits one mighty hefty sin;
It’s somethin' I ain't gonna tolerate.
Your punishment is you can’t stay, just pack your kit, be on your way,
Go find some other land to populate.

Cain says, your bein' awful tough, some fellers out there might be rough
On strangers what come trompin' on their land.
As quick as I start plowin' ground they're gonna come a snoopin' round
And kill me when they find out who I am.

But God says, ain't no need to chafe, to make dang sure that you'll be safe
I'll stamp you with My special logo see.
Before them fellers mess around and try to put you six feet down
They'll realize they have to deal with Me.

So Cain sets out and wanders round until he finds a chunk of ground
That's in the fertile valley they called Nod.
He stakes him out a patch of dirt, puts on some boots, rips off his shirt
And sets right in to tearin' up the sod.

It ain't long till he gets a wife and kids are part of married life
Son Enoch was the first one that she bore.
As God intended, kept on goin', human numbers just a growin’,
Relatives was sproutin’ by the score.

The next sections of the poem are now in the Genesis section of the site